If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
