Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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