He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
