My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
