I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think my fart just growled at me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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