the condom got lost in my hair
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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