I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
