I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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