how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
