Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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