and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
