i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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