I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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