Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He kissed a someone with a penis
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
