I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
