i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
