I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
