"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
