Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
