You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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