hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
