This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
