Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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