I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
