U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
