I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize