This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
