i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Holy shit dude........stairs
false alarm, still single
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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