finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
