im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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