I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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