Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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