wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
