I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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