I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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