So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He did a backflip because drugs
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
