New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
