No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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