What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize