White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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