How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
be right there i have to get my cape
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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