It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
