yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
