All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
