Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
