your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
3 2 1 whiskey
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
