i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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