On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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