Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How does one acquire holy water?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
