Soap is not a condiment
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
