If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
