my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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