No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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