The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
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we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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