just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
