I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
