he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
