guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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