Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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